Bump - 13 weeks.

These pics are from two weeks ago now - my tummy popped out bang on week 12, our scan had a wiggly little bubba in it and it was time to start treating this like it was for reals! Wowa. It's totally for reals!
Weeks 7 - 12 I was sick as, not really eating and doing all the sleeping. Whilst I'm still not averse to going to bed at 9pm, I'm over the moon to be eating (and cooking) again and gosh being able to tell people!

Holiday...

We're off to the UK for 3 weeks! A holiday is looooong overdue. This time were just squeezing in family and best friends and then taking some time for ourselves to go to Paris! Follow along on facebook or instagram for photo updates.
Much love.

{Amazing sunrise this week over the paddocks}

Secrets

It's been hard to write here for a little while. With happy secrets and then crushing sadness and hopefully in the not to distant future, fresh beginnings. Early miscarriage is so common and so not talked about. I dont want to talk about it - and yet - I was frustrated that I couldn't find anyone else who had. I guess that's why we don't traditionally share the news until we're at least twelve weeks. I was eleven.
I was planning on switching to more and more pictures rather than words here but in all honesty I haven't picked up the big camera in weeks - and that was only to take pictures which now no longer have a reason to exist.
I feel a little too exposed here these days. Google my name and this place is the second thing to come up - and the nice thing about a blog, I always found, was a little sense of mystery and anonymity. Especially when you are watched, and what feels like judged, for your job.
Maybe I'll keep posting recipes and maybe I'll keep posting about the garden (its doing great by the way) and maybe, maybe I'll keep posting about country life. But for now being present is keeping me occupied, that, and the garden.

{Image from here, if this is your image I would love to credit you properly}

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Just the two of us, watching the sun go down over the sea and then all the cities fireworks at once from the hills. A blissful New Years Eve.

FYI: Stuff to say to someone who's house has been flooded.

*warning rant-y post*

Or ... What not to say...

Don't say:

* "Well it's only stuff, at least you're fine."
Yes it's true it is only stuff. But it was my stuff, some of it much loved and carefully curated, some of it crap. I don't suppose if I came along and got rid of all your stuff without asking you you'd be very happy about it either? Yes I appreciate that I'm alive but it is okay to mourn the loss of your possessions.

Maybe try:

* "I'm so glad you're safe." And/Or

* "Oh no! What have you lost? I'm so sorry"

Don't say:

* "Oh yeah our bathroom flooded once and it left such a mess, blah blah me me me..."
a) Don't change the subject to yourself. b) Whilst its nice to have empathy, believe me, it really isnt the same thing.

Try Instead:
* "How's it going with the insurance company? They can be a nightmare!"
I guarantee you they need to have a bitch about this.

Don't say:

* "Oh so you had a bit of time to evacuate atleast."
5 hours is not very much time. I'd like to see you try and pack up a house of everything you own and transport it to a safe place using just a ute or 2 in 5 hours. Not easy. I promise.

Try instead:

* "What have you lost that might seem only small and uninsurable but that you are missing?"
This happened to us. We lost our seed collection and my wrapping paper collection. Silly incidental things - but to receive all that wrapping paper and seeds in the post was THE BEST booster during a hard year.

Don't Say:
* "Do you want some help?"

Try Instead:

* "Im coming down in 2 weeks, I will do any jobs you want me to, I'm bringing beer."
If you just ask if they want help they might say no. It's all pretty overwhelming. And of course they might say Yes - but starting out by arranging a time shows that your truley want to come, its not just an empty gesture.

switch off, relax, escape.

Last weekend we went camping to switch off, relax and escape, as well as road test Tim's birthday presents (tent & camp stove). We did just that. It was perfect and Lola did very well too!

Catch up...

T: Well thats what its like running for public office.
S: You wake up one Sunday morning with no idea where the last three months went, a hangover and a new prime minister. The only thing is to decide what's worse: the hangover or the new PM.

Phew, it's been madness. I've been earthing down, as a friend of ours said, and its been keeping me sane. Spring is just being ridiculously good looking.

I got a pang of oh my god this is my house I live here this is mine, the other night. It was nice to have that feeling about our space again instead of just existing in a whirlwind of things that must get done.

I'm running again, getting up early and run run run. I feel better already and it is so pretty.

Photos are mostly being taken on my phone - spending all day at work on a computer means I dont want to be on one when I get home. But I don't want to abandon this place just yet.

I have recipes to share and more gardening stuff and good things happen all the time, I need to remember its nice to write them down - to remember. It's also nice to simplify.

Six years...

Happy six year anniversary to us! We got married young. And what I love about that is that we have changed - but we've changed together and we've watched each other grow and we've pushed each other to be better. We grow together like two tree's - separate trunks - intertwined branches.

Our 5th

Our 4th

Our 3rd

Our wedding

Her

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Hi! This is a guest post from Tim, or ‘husbando’ as I am referred to around these parts. Soph asked me if I could write up a bit of an update about our house while she’s busy working on the film.

But I’m feeling cheeky. How else is a person supposed to feel when they’ve been given the login details for their lover’s blog? Exactly.

So I thought I’d take a minute to fill you all in on little miss Sophie shinelittlelight. The real Soph. Because you must sometimes wonder. I mean, who does these things? One minute she’s inventing some crazy-ass bakedgood, then the next she’s taking beautiful pictures and talking about her garden, taking a natural disaster in her stride, and now.. “oh, sorry, gotta dash. I’ve just got a major film that I’m sort of assistant producing. No biggie. No I mean I don’t actually have experience in this industry or anything but, you know how it is. Ooh, sorry I have to take this call, it’s wardrobe.”

Sometimes I wonder. I mean, how does one person manage to be so darn good at so many things? And of course in the midst of it all she comes out week after week with these beautiful, inspiring lists of things for which she is thankful. Well let me tell you, ladies and gentlemen of the internet, that in reality, Soph is not like this at all. She is actually much better in real life.

This year has been incredibly hard for both of us. We probably haven’t talked about it enough with our friends and family. We struggle to conjure the words, to even understand what’s happening inside our heads and hearts. This endless wait for our home to be repaired leaves so little in our control that even time itself has no rhythm, no schedule, no certainty about it. We’ve had to be strong for each other, and more than that, be happy for each other. Soph has kept me going this year. She’s held me in her eyes, in her warmth, in her understanding. She holds my hopes in her hands, guarding them with all the strength of her soul.

I can’t tell you how thankful I am to be hers.


So I though I’d take this opportunity to write my own little "things to be thankful for" list, but this one is all about her. This one’s for you, Sophabear!

* You wouldn’t believe how good she is at looking after people when they are feeling sick or down.
* The way she refers to the moon as her friend, and glows when he’s out and about.
* When she is feeling silly she can be really freaking loopy!
* The way her hair falls in the sunlight, and those piercing blue eyes
* Her stumpy thumbs. Not since the forearms of T-Rexes have there been such hilarious appendages.
* She holds my hand while we sleep.
* Despite from her impressive music taste, pretty much every pop cultural reference is lost on her. It’s not that she hasn’t appreciated an Ira Glass or a Jello Biafra, just that she never cared to memorise names. There’s a lovely humility in someone who appreciates good things, but doesn’t think to namedrop.
* Soph gives amazing gifts, and is the queen of surprises. You should see the way her eyes shine when she makes someone’s day.
* She sings her heart out in the shower
* Her thankful posts. There’s always a new fresh and wonderful reason to love life in  shinelittlelight’s thankful list.


I’m most thankful to have an opportunity to say how much I adore this woman. And I’m grateful to you, readers of Soph’s blog, for encouraging her to keep on sharing in this way. Can I propose a toast to Sophie Shinelittlelight? 

LONG MAY SHE SHINE

Cheers!

My moon my man.

Tim: Have fun getting your pedafile today.
Me: errrrr pedi...cure?
Tim: Yeah that one.

Happy Birthday darling. Thanks for making my laugh so hard I cry pretty much every day.


{Tim partaking in a spot of afternoon compost heap surfing...}

Aftermath Project

A first house in flood from ABC Open Riverina on Vimeo.

I just wanted to share that Tim and I are part of the ABC Aftermath Project. The lovely Sonya at the ABC Riverina who interviewed us, makes awesome cookies as well as being a ridiculously talented interviewer. This shares a snippet of our chat with her and many of our pictures. It so succinctly sums up our story I decided to put all awkwardness about the sound of my own voice aside and share it here.

I've hidden a lot of emotion from this place for the last six months - I like to stay focused on the positive here - but the flood is a constant in our lives for now. It's hard to put into words (though it was easy talking to Sonya) and it's hard to sound positive when we are so angry, frustrated and helpless a lot of the time.

Also I'd love it if you would watch the film Tim and I made together (about blogging and the flood) and if you like it vote for it here - I promise I'll buy something pretty for our home if we win!

In my letterbox...

The wait for the post is becoming very exciting... not just because it's my birthday very soon but because we continue to be blessed by our friends after the floods. A dear friend of my husbands (and therefore of mine) wrote to us asking if there was anything we lost that we might not think to replace - something seemingly insignificant but still special.
We thought about it and it occurred to me that I had lost my entire wrapping paper collection. I always unwrap carefully and save every piece I get given to use again. Wrapping a present beautifully is a joy of mine. Second hand wrapping paper is not really something you can replace or is technically that big a deal.
Tim lost most of the seeds we owned and had been excited to plant in the garden, small not that big a deal but time consuming and expensive to replace. We told our friend this - and since getting back from the desert we have been receiving package after package. Some filled with wrapping paper - some with a mix of seeds and wrapping - a whole subscription to the diggers club - from this friend but also all her friends - some we know - some we don't. Amazing. The kindness of others - being on the receiving end, it's an incredible experience. And, although I lament  this year as being "washed down the Murrumbidgee"... still the bigger experience of it is awe inspiring.

Gifts

We  just had a little anniversary celebration this year. I received this incredibly wrapped incredibly cute teapot and Tim received the number 5 (to go with last years). And we had dinner out at our favorite Sydney restaurant. What with anniversary number 5 being wood - we plan on spending some money on trees for our garden too.
Also tim bought me a panda hat - as my childhood panda was recently errr.... taken by our furry baby Lola and thoroughly... loved.

In conversation*

Tim: Shall we turn on the heater.
Me: Nah it's not that cold.
Tim: Are you serious? Your feet are like Golden Gaytimes.

Delicious I say!


{image}

Things to be Thankful For*

I am thankful because five years ago today we married under the first opening of blue sky we had seen all week. Under the gum trees by the river all our friends and family who had trekked to the country watched us say yes I will. I am thankful to have people tell us our wedding and our marriage inspires them. You know what I think the secret is? We're best friends, and we try to always, always be kind to each other. I am so thankful for my Tim, my husband, my love.

My darling boy: I sometimes feel surprised that I didn't know you once. I love how you make me laugh, I love how I know where your keys are when you don't, I love how you know exactly what I'm feeling without me having to say a word, I love that you play, I love your eyes that change colour and I love this adventure we are on. Thank you.

Retreat

Tim and I ran away for a few days. We thought, well we have no internet, how about lets go the whole hog and have no phone reception either. It was blissful. To have an excuse to not think about it all, to not worry about it all and to not bicker about it all. We ate cheese, and watched crap movies and I re-read some of my favorite teen fiction. Enough talking have some pictures.

May I recommend Mannus Lake B&B to anyone wanting to stay somewhere quiet and peaceful in the snowy mountains. It’s just 10 minutes out of Tumbarumba but feels (and is) completely secluded. It’s a cottage just for couples, it has a spa, a fully equipped kitchen, a music system and dvd player, plus gorgeous views and horses to chat to whenever you like. Although there is no longer a lake as its walls got washed away in the 2010 floods, the Mannus creek is very pretty and you really do have a whole cottage and the view all to yourself.

Surprise....

make animated gifs like this at MakeAGif

At last some pictures of the surprise party I threw husbando! See he really was surprised! I'll tell you more about it soon!

Romantic weekend.

Weekend...

On the weekend, in between work, we squeezed in time to build a tent out of bedding in our room and watch Some Like It hot, whilst eating frozen yogurt (to keep cool from all that Marilyn action). Needless to say it was great...

{Making a gif}

Monday, Monday...

What a blissful weekend. Rather what a blissful Sunday (Saturday was rainy and a bad mental health day for me). I had my boys attention all to myself. No running off to collect people's census forms (for goodness sakes people do your flippin census form otherwise some underpaid worker has to come to your house 5 times before they can FINE you. Yes it's a fine-able offence.) No running off to work. Sunshine. We slept in, tinkered with our bicycles together, got the red lady braking properly, jarred olives, had lunch with a friend, went on a walk and I found an awesome poster, went to the pub for a sneaky brew, made olive paste* with the left overs, the boy made olive bread and we made really really flippin awesome pizza, watched grand designs, read our books in bed, had sex**, and slept. So. So. Good.

And now. Monday morning. We were greeted not only by the (NOT) dulcet tones of 'Triple M' blasting from a  boom box but moments later a chain saw. Outside our bedroom window. Ahhh the city. Some days you make it hard for me to imagine leaving you, sometimes, you make it real real easy.

* Recipe to come.

** Yes I did just go there. But in very small writing...

{pictures of olive bread and the awesome poster - yes it is in the bathroom over the loo. You're welcome.}