Tuesday, February 5
See, this person planned their own funeral, they "spoke" at it, through someone else reading their words but still... It was quite eerie. They planned their death down to the final dot. The songs, the order of service, where and what the wake would be, letters for everybody, even wrote their own obituary for the paper.
I was shocked and saddened when I heard the news - it seemed so unlikely. I guess today at the funeral I thought I might find some answers, gain an understanding. But I didn't. I left feeling queasy and disappointed. Not that this person owed me an explanation at all. They weren't close to me, I worked with them recently on the film.
The thing is, being at that funeral struck home to me just how much that person had. Five wonderful children, 3 baby grandchildren, a successful career, very high standing in the community, talented and loved. A happening, full life. My lack of understanding about how someone could be so determined as to ruin the lives of so many, goes to show that depression is a scary beast. One that I don't understand and hope never to sink into the depths of. I've been sad, blue and called it depression, but I love my life so much, I feel so lucky, and I am so sad for those that are deprived from seeing the world in this way.