Tuesday, February 5


Today I went to a funeral. There were so many people at the cathedral that 100 of us watched the service from outside on tv screens, under a marquee. To be honest it's left me feeling more confused than when I arrived. It's not the kind of thing I would normally write about here, but it made me more determined than ever to be thankful for what I have that I thought it somewhat relevant.
See, this person planned their own funeral, they "spoke" at it, through someone else reading their words but still... It was quite eerie. They planned their death down to the final dot. The songs, the order of service, where and what the wake would be, letters for everybody, even wrote their own obituary for the paper.
I was shocked and saddened when I heard the news - it seemed so unlikely. I guess today at the funeral I thought I might find some answers, gain an understanding. But I didn't. I left feeling queasy and disappointed. Not that this person owed me an explanation at all. They weren't close to me, I worked with them recently on the film.
The thing is, being at that funeral struck home to me just how much that person had. Five wonderful children, 3 baby grandchildren, a successful career, very high standing in the community, talented and loved. A happening, full life. My lack of understanding about how someone could be so determined as to ruin the lives of so many, goes to show that depression is a scary beast. One that I don't understand and hope never to sink into the depths of. I've been sad, blue and called it depression, but I love my life so much, I feel so lucky, and I am so sad for those that are deprived from seeing the world in this way.


  1. hey sophie, I was thinking of you today and was hoping you would be okay. it is such a terrible thing to have happened and it really has affected so many people in our community, everyone is in disbelief. depression is such a difficult thing to comprehend for those of us lucky enough to have not been touched by it. t and I have had many conversations around depression and suicide after losing a few loved ones that way. and though we never do find any answers or clues to what happened or what went wrong, we do always feel a bit better being able to talk about it amongst ourselves. it's also helped us remember those who have passed. hope you know that we're here for you x

  2. I understand depression... I totally get deep sorrow and sadness... I have even felt this way from time to time but somewhere deep inside of me... I know that things will change. I hold on for that next day... I wish we could all hold on, leaving early only saddens everyone's life that we touch. There are no real answers.. just acceptance and sadness.


Thanks, I love receiving comments! *s*